To wed or not to wed…
Posted by: Drake on: October 10, 2008
- In: Family| Friends| Wedding
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We’ve talked about canceling the wedding. Well, we’d still get married but we wouldn’t have a wedding. We have debts and a mortgage and we both work in businesses that are or will be directly affected by the current economic crisis. That’s our reality.
It wasn’t a pleasant conversation and I think it pained Slim more. Our long term security and happiness is far more important that one day of fun. Still doesn’t make walking away from what we’ve waited so long to experience any easier. And it’s not just ourselves we’re considering. We’re inviting friends who are also affected by this global crisis—they have children to provide for. They will have to pay for flights, hotels, food, etc. with currency that’s weaker than the British Pound.
So we talked, held each other and cried. Then talked some more. We have savings but the wedding would take a small bite out of it. If the worst happened and we both lost our jobs our combined saving would see us through seven months and a bit. More than some folks for sure, but still.
I worry. He worries. I bite my tongue at work now when I see people do stupid things, where in the past I’d rip them a new one. It’s not right. I know what they’re doing is wrong, but my review is coming up and I need it to be very, very good. Some people can be nasty. No need to give them ammo.
For now, we’re moving forward. My father and brothers have offered to help far beyond what I would have expected and Slim and I will be eternally grateful. It covers a third of the costs. I’ve cut back in every way I can imagine: selling my dress on eBay after the wedding, making the invitations and doing the flowers and bouquets myself. That’s about £3000 saved. I am my mother’s daughter.
Slim and I are handling these things well. We communicate, we share and we solve, together. This is a good relationship and will be a good marriage. For that alone, I’m thankful.
The Next Chapter
Posted by: Drake on: October 9, 2008
Slim and I got engaged seven weeks ago. I suspected it was going to happen as it was our six month anniversary that weekend and he’s not the type to let a romantic slip by without some kind of celebration. He did an amazing job. Kidnapped me from work, whisked me off to a posh hotel where I was pampered before we went to dinner. And oh what a meal it was, besides Slim dropping to one knee and popping the question (tears and all) just before dessert, it was a three Michelin star restaurant that I’d only ever dreamed about going to. Yeah… all round special night.
I gave myself the weekend to bask in the newly engaged glow. I let it wash over me, wrap me in its promises of wedding dress fittings and flower arrangements and engagement parties. As we drove towards Broadstairs that weekend I daydreamed about designing our invitations. Should we use the more formal style or be more casual? Should we be posh and have them printed at Smythson, fussed over while sipping Earl Grey? So much to do…
In the end it’s all been a little bit of everything really. To date the church, photographer, dinner reception and transportation have all been booked. Wedding insurance too. Last weekend I found a dress that I can afford and am absolutely in love with. It’s the wedding we want though not necessarily our dream wedding which would have cost us a fortune, These are unstable times and I’d rather have a roof over our heads than a pile of slick wedding photos. Slim’s been amazing, tolerating my daily, sometimes hourly changes to this or that. He calms, reassures and reminds me to get the stick out of my ass when necessary. I love him.
Sometimes I look at him and think “Is this what love is supposed to feel like?” I suppose I question it as all my previous relationships have been fraught with doubt and worry and anxiety. For me, that’s what being in love was supposed to feel like. I knew nothing else. Now I’m with a man that brings calm and joy to my life. He’s a goof ball, overly romantic and has optimism to spare but these are the things I need. Seeing him always brings a smile to my face even when he makes me cross. I can be completely silly and it’s ok. I can be a raging bitch and it’s ok. I’ve never had this before. So, sometimes I look at him and I think… but then I can’t imagine my life without him and I worry about losing him and it makes me cry so I hide my tears in a yawn and he rubs my neck and tells me I work too hard.
My Slim and I are going to be married and I wouldn’t change that for all the tea in China.
And so it begins…
Posted by: Drake on: October 7, 2008
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At the beginning of this year I was in a very different place than I am now.
I’d finally recovered from an emotionally abusive relationship that ended in the autumn of 2006. I’d been dating The Narcissist. It would require a whole separate blog entry to chronicle “Life with The Narcissist” but the fact that he’s my past and not my present speaks for itself. I was single and happy, shopping for a new home, five months into a new job that I love and seriously considering becoming a foster mum.
Then…all change.
On February 14th the loneliness that inevitably accompanies being single on Valentine’s Day tempted me into dating again. So I did what every digitally savvy 21st century woman would do. I joined DatingDirect! No this isn’t an endorsement of them or any other dating site as I really believe that state-of-mind and a fair bit of luck play a much bigger role in the affairs of the heart than these match making businesses would have you believe. Again, another blog, another day. So, I signed up, filled in my profile, uploaded a photo and waited. I waited because this time I wanted to be chased. Under no circumstances was I going to “wink” or email anyone. Damn it!
An hour later someone winked at me. I wasn’t expecting much when I clicked through to see who was interested in me. In my previous online dating experiences anyone who winked within minutes of my profile going live was usually a “Troller”. A Troller is a man (rarely a woman but always possible) who is a member of at least four dating sites and generally harasses any new female member with winks and emails filled with plagiarised compliments. Shakespeare is a favorite of the Troller.
Anyway. Slim (as I’ll refer to him because he is) is no Troller. He is handsome and appeared sweet and honest in his profile. His age made me pause, 34…. but after Sabrina’s lecture about being more open (i.e. not just go for older men) I let that little detail go. We had a few instant messenger chats which turned into two hour long phone calls. I loved his kind voice, he made me laugh, came across as mature if a tiny bit lacking in confidence which, after The Narcissist, did not put me off. The most important thing I felt surprised me as I’d never had expected it feel it so soon. And if I think about it for a minute I played no small part in finding that thing that had eluded me in Every. Single. Relationship. before this one. I felt safe.
In our conversations leading up to meeting, I was completely transparent. I revealed me—hopes, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses—without fear because it didn’t matter what he thought about me, it mattered how I felt about myself and that gave me such a rush. Sure I may have been a little disappointed if things hadn’t worked out, but life would have gone on. As it turned out, there was nothing I could tell Slim then or now that put him off.
We had our first date on February 22nd. I glided into the lobby of the Hoxton clad in my Friday best of Karan and Louboutin, hair in the perfect twist, neatly trimmed and buffed nails, professional but sexy. I arranged myself in a leather arm chair next to the fireplace and waited. And waited. He was late. 30 minutes late. I sat cringing, dying inside thinking he’d blown me out. Lost his nerve. Couldn’t be asked. The first tear of humiliation was just about to spill unto my cheek when Slim appeared in the doorway of the restaurant. I knew it was him but found confirmation in the panicked “I’m late!” look on his face. Forgiveness came in the sweetest first kiss I’ve ever experienced and it marked the beginning of our future.
You’ll have to come back for the rest 
Proust Questionnaire
Posted by: Drake on: October 7, 2008
- In: Family| Friends| People
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What is your idea of perfect happiness? Debt free, a modest but comfortable home, health, happiness and the love of my husband, good friends and family
What is your greatest fear? A long and painful death
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Impatience.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Envy.
What is your greatest extravagance? A day in bed with a book
What is your current state of mind? Cautiously optimistic
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Virtue.
On what occasion do you lie? When it causes no harm … it is called manners.
Which living person do you most despise? Anyone who takes pleasure from the suffering of another
What is the quality you most like in a man? Integrity tempered by experience.
What is the quality you most like in a woman? Same as above
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? “Actually”
What or who is the greatest love of your life? My fiancé
When and where were you happiest? When I first moved to New York from Kingston, Jamaica
Which talent would you most like to have? To play the violin
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Less procrastination
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Making my parents proud
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? A cat living on a farm with a lovely family, in the French countryside
What is your most treasured possession? My Louis Cartier Tank watch. I’ve been saving for it since I was 20 years old. It’s a symbol of my hard work and independence.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Losing a child
What is your most marked characteristic? Curiosity.
What do you most value in your friends? They love all of me—the good, bad and ugly. And their honesty…
Who are your heroes in real life? My father, mother and grandmothers
What is it that you most dislike? Judgement… and marmite
What is your greatest regret? Things that I could have done but didn’t.
How would you like to die? In my sleep having lived a full and long life, family by my side
What is your motto? Let history be your guide
The Power of One
Posted by: Drake on: July 3, 2008
Usually the statement “The Power of One” is a positive, but lately I’ve been experiencing the rather negative side of that rally cry. The power of one has kept great creative ideas from leaving the agency where I work due to clients’ lack of courage combined with a frightening amount of ignorance. They ask for breakthrough ideas but chicken out when they actually get it. Fair enough but then don’t complain when the campaign has weak results and there is no shift in brand perception. The annoying thing is that it’s usually down to one person who has just enough organisational power (middle management) or perceived power (the loud-mouth/bully) to keep everyone else from pushing back. Forget trying to reason with this person. They absolutely believe that their opinions are the gospel, much like the woman who keeps coming to my door touting Watchtower but that’s another post for another day.
The power of one is also flexing it’s nasty side in what students are allowed to read in certain U.S. school districts. Growing up in Jamaica I attended a Catholic girls’ school. The nuns were a funny bunch, pious and strict but never once allowing their religious beliefs to get in the way of giving students a well rounded education which included exposing us to the realities of life outside our cushy private school walls. There was never any debate about whether or not we should be allowed to read Catcher in the Rye, and Children of Sisyphus had been on the reading list years before I attended and still is, filled with raw sexuality and urban grit. Those were some progressive nuns and I appreciate them now more than ever.
As adults and parents we are responsible for keeping our children safe—don’t stick the paper clip in the power socket, don’t go off with a stranger to look for the lost puppy, let sleeping dogs lie, etc. Freaking out if your kid gets hold of dad’s stash of Playboy is no reason to ban them from the house. In my opinion it’s a great opportunity to have a really good discussion and guess what, you may actually raise a really smart kid in the process.
I strongly believe in the formula “crap in = crap out” so be careful what you choose to omit from your children’s life.
Chrismus early dis year
Posted by: Drake on: July 1, 2008
Breadfruits roasting on an open fire
Mongrels nipping at your toes
Dance hall songs, being sung by a choir
‘An we dress up in we bashment clothes
Everybody knows
When gungo cook and sorrel flow
Yu dun know seh season brite
Gal an bwoy wid dem starlight a glow
Dem nah go waan fe sleep tonite
Dem know seh joyride deh pon the way
With music, rockin’ rockin’ thru de day
‘An all the chicken dem a try fi spy
Fi see is which one a dem is gwine to fry
‘An so, we want to big up everyone
All kidz from one to 92
Althou money dun
Have ‘hole heap a fun
Irie Chrismus to you
What is Glamour?
Posted by: Drake on: June 6, 2008
Today at work, our Planning Department sent out an email asking for each person’s take on glamour. Here are my answers. Would love to hear what yours would be…
How would you define glamour?
Glamour is hard to define and can be expressed in so many ways. The way a woman walks or laughs, seemly effortless wit, intelligence, style, and grace. The ability to make a crisp white shirt and jeans feel like an Yves St. Laurent gown. The french say it best “Je ne sais quoi”.
Who do you think are the most glamorous people? (male or female) (e.g. celebrities, fashion designers, actors, photographers, etc.)
Sidney Poitier, Daphne Guinness, Audrey Hepburn, Krtistin Scott Thomas, Cary Grant, Lauren Hutton, Jane Fonda, Karl Lagerfeld, Queen Rania of Jordan, any member of the Argentinian Polo Team, Carolina Herrera, Mario Testino, Annie Leibovitz, Bianca Jagger (but never Jerry Hall… she’s trashy), Alessandra Facchinetti, Thandie Newton. WAGs and Glamour models are NOT glamourous AT ALL. Neither are annoying headline hogging celebs like Cruise/Holmes, Pitt/Jolie, Posh/Becks, ex-boy/girl band members, etc. Soooo tired.
Which are the most glamorous fashion brands?
Hermés, Christian Louboutin, Loro Piana, Chaumet, Ferragamo, Cartier, Charvet, Asprey, Creed, J.P. Tod’s, Jean Patou, Galliano, Smythson, La Perla, vintage Chanel (I love Lagerfeld, but lately….), anything bespoke.
What are the top 5 items that make you feel glamorous?
Jewellery, shoes, handbag, lingerie, and traveling first/business class… in that order. Can I please squeeze in good quality cashmere???
When do you feel your most glamorous?
When I’m wearing a delicious pair of high heels and fab lingerie with otherwise ordinary clothing
Dear Mrs. Sue Burbia…
Posted by: Drake on: April 29, 2008
The disgusting deliciousness of Burrata has me in its evil grip. It’s the only thing I can eat without wincing in pain from the braces that hold my mouth hostage. I hold you responsible for any extra cellulite that shows up on my ass. I must now go and spend 15mins in the bathroom brushing, flossing and picking Burrata from my teeth.
I hate you.
Best,
Drake
Too old for some things
Posted by: Drake on: April 11, 2008
Sharing your living space with anyone other than your hubby, boyfriend or kids when you’re almost 40 is just a bad idea. There’s a certain level of tolerance that just isn’t there for the dirty floors, un-emptied garbage bins and week old take out boxes left by people who do not share your last name or blood line. Let’s not even begin to discuss the assorted items of laundry drying on radiators all over the living room. I’m sorry, I thought that’s what the DRY setting on the washer and the £40 Peter Jones drying rack was for…
Shit’s about to change ’round here.
